Rules for Fair Fighting

Our blog, Only The Ceremony, is about your wedding or other ceremony however, the topic for this blog is essential to all relationships and very much worth noting.

For about 10 years Charlie did pre-marriage, pre-Cana retreats with the Engaged Encounter Movement. EE focused on preparing for marriage and used material from the Worldwide Marriage Encounter Movement. What follows is a list from Marriage Encounter about the Rules for “Fighting Fair”

Please note, the term fight, used here by Marriage Encounter, never refers to any physical or verbal abuse.If you are experiencing physical, verbal or emotional violence or abuse, whether you are male or female, please seek help immediately, talk to someone, anyone: a counselor, parent, friend, sibling, the police, pastor, co-worker, anyone, immediately! The silence of Domestic Violence must be shattered.

What follows are Rules for “Fighting Fair”, we hope they can be a help, if needed.

~Avoid criticism. Remember that criticism and sarcasm wound people and destroy our capacity to belong to each other.
~Avoid name-calling and character assassination.
~Never fight when one or both of you are under the influence of alcohol or drugs.
~It is a waste of time placing blame. Since you can’t un-spill the milk, work at moving forward.
~Avoid using absolutes, such as, “you always” or “you never” or “every time.” They are not true.
~Finish the fight. Even if there are tears, be sensitive, but do not walk away. Continue the fight for your relationship.
~Do not bring in third parties. A parent, a friend, a person at work has no part in your confrontation. The real problem is often a miscommunication.
~Stay physically close to each other. An affectionate touch helps each to know that there is nothing that cannot be worked out in love.
~The issue under discussion is never as important as the two of you are. Being right is not as important as being in relationship.
~Fight for clarification, not to win. If I “win” a fight then I’m sleeping with a loser.

We hope this is helpful.
Charlie and Cheryl Cavalconte


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